Saw a diary at the GOS. It was about apologies. Apparently, some users at the GOS have been offended and are leaving because someone said something that hurt their feelings.
It got me wondering if a well-timed, well-worded apology might have kept these two solid Kossack contributors from leaving the fold. I started to wonder why we, as compassionate liberals, don't employ The Apology more often.
We've all been there and done that. In the heat of a debate on some thread, tempers escalate and the next thing you know, you've called someone a name or implied they are an idiot. In a face-to-face conversation you would NEVER dream of speaking to someone like that. But behind the anonymity of a computer screen/keyboard/website, "Did you take your stupid pills?" just comes out. The next thing you know, you're accusing a perfectly liberal Kossack of being "no better than __________" ([blank-fillers include Bush, a neocon, Hitler, etc.])
I did it recently, got called on it and immediately regretted my insensitivity. So I apologized. It took about 1.64 seconds. It didn't hurt. I meant it because I had no business insulting someone I don't even know. And I felt better afterwards.
Then the most amazing thing happened: my apology got Recommended by 17 Kossacks. I got called "classy". Me? Classy? After being mean to someone else? That I was not expecting.
So what constitutes an actual apology? Well, to start, there are non-apologies or "pseudo-apologies". These are the ones that basically say "I'm sorry you're an idiot" or "I'm sorry you're so overly-sensitive". Suite 101 has these as the "Top Pseudo-apologies":
We have had that same problem. Some users here have become offended and left.Got me to thinking, I got to apologize for the bad that I have done. . . . .
