( - promoted by Jack's Smirking Revenge)
(Originally posted at Liberating Porn)
They call him Nuge. Deadly Tedley. Motor City Madman. He ran around the stage in leopard-skin pants and, although the pants weren't really made from a leopard, Nuge certainly slaughtered several lesser animals then painted their remains to look like one. He considers everyone on welfare to be a dreg of society. Nuking Iraq is his preeminent suggestion for foreign policy. And, right now, he's doubtlessly firing an automatic weapon at a bunny rabbit. Or possibly a kitten. After all, it's his Constitutionally-protected right to do so.
We're talking about Ted Nugent, of course. Now if there was ever a rocker who displayed the virtues of a blue collar conservative while still retaining the personality of a right wing war monger, it's Nugent. He is, without a doubt, the true embodiment of the modern American right wing.
Terrifyingly, editors and publishers see fit to allow Nugent to write stuff. And when reading Nugent's various queef bubbles I can almost smell the blood, probably because Nugent believes pen ink is for commies, preferring to carve his first drafts into a deer carcass with a bowie knife (just how George Washington would have done it). How this transfers onto a WordPress blog is beyond me, although Nugent's USB drive must be a sight of unimaginable gore littered with puppy skull fragments.
One of Nugent's recent turd danglers appeared on Human Events, a ridiculous conservative website full of ridiculous things, not the least of which is Nugent himself. Anyway, Nugent explains how America has totally been hijacked by left wing communist principles because, ya know, everybody in the White House is a Maoist. Literally.
Nuge says, "At least from my own research, I still can't find anyone on the President's closest team who has actually started a successful business. I can, however, find Che and Mao fans."
Well, dear friends, I'd like to see what Nugent thinks 'research' is. I envision him turning on his computer, leaning toward the monitor and saying, "Okay Mr. Internet, how many communists are in the White House?" With the monitor unresponsive, Nuge patriotically peppers the hard drive with hollow-points, resigning himself to the ominous fact that the Maoists have indoctrinated his PC.
Like your average Tea Bagger, Nugent has a penchant for swallowing conservative talking points with little or no questions. Of course Nuge knows Reaganomics works; all that icky "destruction of the unions and a crack-addicted underclass" business? Blame welfare cheese and big government. You have to be hard on crime; all the evidence of rehabilitation being more effective than solitary confinement for 17-year-old with a possession charge is just the rabble of faggoty college liberals. Nugent can enlighten us about the Recession, which wasn't caused by the corporatism of the Bush years as much as it was caused by, ya know, poor people...poor people who want your tax money!
Nuge proclaims, "Capitalism is the strongest man-made force on the planet." Given this statement, I guess he thinks Adam Smith spent all his time at a work bench, ya know, making capitalism.
But to challenge his positions will only lead Nugent to condemn you as a dirty commie rat. Clearly, collectivist scum like us want to forget about those golden semi-libertarian years of yore...back when our meat had rat poo on it and janitors in textile factories had to sweep up the severed digits of child laborers after each shift.
Or perhaps Nugent, like the average Tea Bagger, is incapable of thinking critically about our past. Mind you, there hasn't been a time since the unregulated industrial cesspools of the early twentieth century when the Baggers' imaginary libertarian wonderland actually existed. The most prosperous years for American workers came in the 50s. Yeah, free market worked wonders...after WW2 left our industrial rivals in ruin and the implementation of the welfare state. (I guess FDR, Truman, and Ike were Maoists too.)
Nugent also has good reason to admire the Bushes and Cheneys of America. Because Nuge has a hard-on for guns, bombs, and war, but conveniently weaseled his way out of the Vietnam draft. Nuge has gone on record about how he's made up for his draft dodginess by playing USO shows. Because that's totally the same thing.
Instead of wrapping up this post neatly, I prefer to leave you with this: Nugent has often voiced a desire to run for public office.
That is all. |
